Twilight Meets Food
by Magical Flying Pie
Summary: Our favorite family of vampires don't eat food, obviously, so what happens exactly to that big refrigerator chocked full of the stuff? Ah, one of life's major conundrums is revealed in this story! As series of one-shots. :D


**Strawberry Jam**

**A/N: Hope you guys like it! :)**

"What's that?" Alice asked as Emmett came into the kitchen carrying a large jar.

"Strawberry Jam!" he sat down on a stool and pushed the jar to the middle of the counter.

"And why do you have a giant jar of strawberry jam?"

"Well, I heard Bella say like strawberries sooo, I bought them for her for her birthday!" Emmett explained with a big smile on his face.

"And?"

"What do you mean 'and'?" Emmett asked confused as he put finger quotations around 'and'.

"And what else did you buy to go with the strawberry jam?" Alice said a bit more slowly this time.

"I was supposed to buy something else?"

"Yes! You don't just eat strawberry jam straight out of a jar! Plus her birthdays not for like 10 months!" Alice exclaimed throwing an arm into the air.

"Well you're just little miss negativity today aren't you?!"

"mmmnnnegativitymnnn!"

"Mnnnhhmmmnn!"

"Mmnn!"

"Mmnn!"

Then they stood in an awkward silence for 3 hours.

"I'm gonna open it." Emmett declared as he grabbed the jar slid it across the marble counter towards himself.

"I thought you said that was Bella's birthday present!"

"I'll get another one for her later!" Emmett said in a mocking voice as he be grabbed the lid.

"Weirdo." Alice muttered.

"What was that?!"

"Nothing!" Then Alice walked out of the room to watch some television. When she came back Emmett was still sitting on the stool trying to twist the lid of the jar.

"Mmphh, Mmphh!" Emmett grunted in effort.

"You still haven't opened it?" Alice asked a bit shocked.

"No! I- just, um, opened it and then closed it!"

"Really?" Alice asked in a disbelieving tone as she walked over to Emmett's side of the counter.

"Yes!"

Alice stood on her tip toes to look at the lid of the jar, "Then why is the tabby button thing not popped up?"

"I popped it back down!"

"You can't pop it down once it's popped up!"

"I have my ways!"

"What are you two yelling about this time?" Rosalie complained as she walked through the door and leaned against the refrigerator.

"Emmett can't open a jam jar!" Alice sang.

"Liar liar pants on fire!"

"Just give me the jar!" Rosalie screamed her patience getting shorter and shorter by the second.

"Here." Alice tossed the jar Rosalie who caught in one hand.

"Mmphh, mmhpph!"

"Rosalie, are you having trouble opening that?" Alice asked with a mischievieous grin on her face.

"No! I'm just, taking my time!" Rosalie shouted back at her,"Mnnh, mnn, ahhhhhhh!!!!" Rosalie yelled slamming the jar on the counter. Alice and Emmett backed away slowly getting a bit scared.

"I am Rosalie Hale! I'm too beautiful for this kinda stuff to happen to me!" Then she stomped out of the room and slammed the door.

"Ah, step aside little sibling and let the awesomeness that is Alice take over!" Alice stepped in front of Emmett and grabbed the jar.

"Mmnn! Mnnph! Ugh!" Alice struggled with the lid but it just wouldn't budge!

"You were saying?"

"No comment" Alice growled.

"What are you guys yelling about we can hear you all the way from upstairs!" Carlisle exclaimed as he walked through the door with Edward behind him.

"What's the big deal? You could hear us if we were in Mexico!" Emmett said.

"It's a figure of speech!"

"None of us can open this stupid jar!" Alice explained to Carlisle still irritated by her defeat.

"What? Let me try." Edward said as Alice passed him the jar.

"Mnnhph, Mmmph! What's wrong with this stupid thing?!" Edward screamed observing the jar more carefully now.

"I know right!?" Alice agreed.

"I'm sure I can get it." Carlisle said as he reached over and took the jar off the counter.

3 hours later

"Hey Carlisle, maybe we should just run it under some hot water or something, I hear that  
works for the humans."

"No! We're vampires! This kinda stuff doesn't happen to us! We can lift cars for  
goodness sake!" Carlisle screamed at Alice as she slowly backed away.

4 hours later

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you...." Carlisle kept muttering at the demonic jar.

"Well Carlisle has comepletely lost it." Emmett said as turned around to join the rest of the children.

"I think the jar has something against vampires! It's the only reasonable explanation!" Edward screamed.

Then Bella walks in.

"Hey what are you all doing in here?" Bella asked looking around at the very depressed vampires surrounding the kitchen counter.

"We're sulking at being bested by a jar!" Carlisle yelled.

"What jar? Hey strawberry jam! My favorite!" Bella exclaimed as she grabbed the jar, easily popped the lid off and grabed a spoon. She then proceeded to shoveling the sweet fruity goodness  
down her throat.

"Mmm."

The Cullens and Hales stared at her as she walked back out the door into the living room.

"W-we loosened it up!" Emmett said looking at everyone.

"Yeah! T-totally! Of course!" Alice said flipping her hair out of her face shakily.

"Y-yeah! I mean- pshh! Duh!" Edward said as he reached to lean against the wall but missed and fell on the ground, he quickly picked himself up and wiped ther dust off his pants.

"Okay, so we're good! Pride and dignity only minorly traumatized!"

* * *

**A/N: Hope you awesome peoples liked that! Reviews are very much appreciated! **

**Peace out!**

**-Magical Flying Pie**


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